come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
