3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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