her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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