i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
