wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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