I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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