I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
