She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
