i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
