Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
