is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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