I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
