My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
whose parrot is this?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
