nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
