cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
