I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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