Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
