I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
