Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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