May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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