Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
