Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
