btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
