Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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