Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
