They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
