2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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