It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
