I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
