Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
zippers are such a cool invention
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
