hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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