That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
