you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
