I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
barbara walters just said penis...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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