and you said cock pushups were impossible
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
