You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
