at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
