Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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