Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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