Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
