I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
