I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Too much gin, very little bucket
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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