youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
