I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
