The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
