I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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