I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
