You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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