god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
