do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He did a backflip because drugs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
